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I remember those four days we spent together, ensconced all day in each others company and synchronicity. Those walks on the beach singing as loud as we wanted, so happily, so liberally, knowing that no-one was there to hear us. How we would converse for hours on end about similar experiences and perspectives without losing interest in each other. I remember how we both lied to each other that we would not fall in love. I remember that night we fell asleep curled up next to each other rather than just having meaningless sex again.
I find it difficult to fathom how attatched and connected one can become with another over such a short time.
I find it difficult to fathom how those feelings begin to diminish after such a short time of not seeing one another, and it kills me.
I place blame upon myself for this, I feel as though it is my fault that those feelings are slowly slipping away, despite the fact that it is not how I want to feel. I cling tight to what seems to be fading, with only the hope that one day things will improve and I will be back there, happy by your side.
As I turn away from the cold cruel beast that is reality, and keep telling myself what I want to hear, ignoring the greater possibility that I won’t be back there again by you, and I won’t be happy.
And it is not solely lust, nor desire to be with you there that devours my soul, it is combined with the isolation I feel where I am now.
..Just drifting further, and further into the void again.
The lapse… It has returned once more.
But this time it’s different, unrecognizable in comparison to it’s usual menacing form of internal deterioration;
This time it is but lack of fulfillment.
Emptiness..
That grows colder and more desolate,
As I slip,
down,
further.
…Over my head.
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